Parents with Disabilities?: Yes, they can!

January 11, 2010 in Disability Discrimination, Uncategorized | No comments

When Kaney O’Neill was 21 years old and working as a Navy airman apprentice, she fell off a balcony and broke her neck. Thereafter, she had minimal use of her arms and could no longer use her legs. Nearly ten years later, she gave birth to her son, Aidan. In August 2009, the Chicago Tribune published a beautiful story about Kaney’s pregnancy and the support system in place for her. It appeared as though Kaney would be spending the rest of her life with her son Aidan, along with her boyfriend, caretaker, and service dog by her side.

But in just a few short weeks after giving birth, Kaney broke up with her boyfriend, David Trais. David then demanded full custody of Aidan. David alleges that despite all the support systems in place, Kaney is unfit to be a mother. In December 2009, the Chicago Tribune published a follow-up article, Disabled Mom fighting to keep her son.

Now that the case has reached the courthouse where a judge is hearing arguments from both sides, bloggers have been discussing the custody dispute, and many blog readers have defended Kaney’s right to raise her son. See Lisa Belkin’s Should A Quadriplegic Mom Have Custody?; Jeanne Sager’s Quadriplegic Mom Fights Discrimination to Keep Son; and Sarah Caron’s Is She Fit To Parent? Over 100 comments have been submitted here: Can a quadriplegic be a good parent? Her ex-bf says “No.”

Kaney’s situation is unique, but not new. Doesn’t anyone remember the story of Robert Carney who was a quadripegic and fought for the custody of his two sons? Or the story of Tiffany Callo, a woman with cerebral palsy who fought to raise her two children? Or even Sean Penn’s role in I Am Sam?

According to DisabledParents.net, there are more than 8 million disabled parents in the United States. It is not known how many single disabled parents there are in the United States, but it is probably a good chunk of the 8 million. Individuals who are deaf, blind, paraplegic, quadriplegic can be capable parents. Even parents with mental impairments can be capable parents.

Now is a good opportunity to read about the challenges that disabled parents face and the ways in which they can overcome those challenges to successfully raise their children. On Being A Disabled Parent is a terrific starting point, in which a deaf-blind mother (who is married to a quadriplegic husband) shares her personal stories about raising her twins. I Know I’m Raising Really Good Girls was written nearly a decade ago by a mother with cerebral palsy, and it is still very relevant to this day. Although I haven’t seen it yet, Parents with Developmental Disabilities: A Fair Chance is a film in which six developmentally disabled parents talk about raising their kids.

There are also several books about parents with disabilities, including Disabled Parents: Dispelling the Myths and Parenting and Disability: Disabled Parents’ Experience of Raising Children.

For a host of links containing a wealth of information about disabled parents, see Parents With Disabilities Online and The Looking Glass.

It will be very interesting to see who will ultimately get custody of Aidan and the reasons for the judge’s decision. I hope all of you will join me in keeping a close eye on this case. In the meantime, check out the links I found above. You might be surprised.

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